Link of the Day

Just a few bad clean fishing jokes care of 666... How many did you catch... (10 April 2001) A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of lillies. "Tch Tch!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help." So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?" "Fishin', sir." "Fishin', eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?" The old man stood up, put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of beer and a fine cigar. His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch this morning?" The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!" more jokes... What do you call a fish with no eye? FSH!!!! (I told you they were bad) How do you stop a fish from smelling? Cut it's nose off What is the fastest fish in the sea? Go-carp. What did the mummy sardine say to her children when they saw a submarine? Don't worry, it's only a tin of people. If fish lived on land, which country would they live in? Finland. What did one rock pool say to the other rock pool? Show me your mussels. How do you kiss a pike? Very carefully What sits at the bottom of the sea and shivers? A nervous wreck. What has big sharp teeth, a tail, scales, and a trunk? A pike going on holiday. Why do they call him 'River'? Because the biggest part of him is his mouth. What do you get is you cross a rose with a pike? I don't know but I wouldn't put my nose too close to smell it Why did the salmon cross the road? Because it was tied to the chicken. Man: Can I have a fly rod and reel for my son? Fishing Shop Owner: Sorry sir we don't do trades. Why do they call him 'Fish'? Because he cannot keep his mouth shut. How do I avoid infection from biting insects? That's easy - don't bite them What is the wettest animal in the world? A reindeer. What lives under the sea and carries a lot of people? An Octobus Where do you find a crab with no legs? Exactly where you left it. What is yellow and dangerous? Pike infested custard. What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? I want to hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand. What do you get if you cross a whale with a computer? A four ton know it all. Why did the lobster blush? It saw the Queen Mary's bottom Why did the fish blush? Because it saw the sea weed. Why are fish smarter than mice? Because they live in schools. What fish terrorises other fish? Jack the Kipper What should you do if you find a shark in your bed? Sleep somewhere else. What do you call a pike with a gun? Sir What do you call a Shark with a rocket launcher? Anything he tells you to. What do you call a deaf pike. Anything you like he cannot hear you. How do you stick down an envelope under the water? With a seal. What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships. What can fly under the water? A bluebottle in a submarine What has antlers and sucks your blood? A Moose-quito Little boy what are you fishing for? I'm not fishing, I'm drowning worms What do you call a neurotic octopus? A crazy, mixed up squid. What do you call a baby whale that never stops crying? A little blubber What kind of sea creature eats its victims two by two? Noah's shark What side of a fish has the most scales? The outside. What swims and is highly dangerous? A trout with a hand grenade. What did one sardine say to the other sardine when it saw a submarine? There goes a can full of people. What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse? The Codfather What fish terrorises other fish? Jack the Kipper What do you give a seasick elephant? Lots of room Mother: Have you given the goldfish fresh water today? Son: No, they haven't finished the water I gave them yesterday. What fish are musical? Tuna fish. Where do ghosts swim in North America? In Lake Erie. Don't swim in the sea, A shark just bit off my foot! Which one? I don't know. All sharks look the same to me. Mummy why can't I go swimming in the sea? Because there are sharks in the sea. But Mummy, Daddy is swimming in the sea. That's different he is insured. What happened to the fishing boat that sank in piranha fish infested waters? It came back with a skeleton crew. What whizzes along a riverbed on three wheels? A motor-Pike and a side-Carp. Where do fish wash? In a river basin Where do fish keep their money? In the river bank. What is the best fish on ice? A skate. Why did the trout cross the road? Because it was the chicken's day off. Where do whales get weighed? At a whaleweigh station. What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage? A perch What is the best way to communicate with a fish? Drop it a line What is the best way of stopping a fish from smelling? Cut off his nose.	and a few more... Submitted by MartiMac - Bad Fishing Riddle Two fathers and two sons went fishing - how many people were there? Three - get it? Haw! Haw! Submitted by Matricx Have you ever thought about the size of the one that got away ? It seems to grow each time you tell the story. The true meanings : Submitted by Don What do you say to a guy with his lure in the seaweed? Your fly's down! Submitted by reader Robert J. Dettmann Why don't sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy. Submitted by Mreddish My son and I went fishing in our little row boat last weekend. I tried to get my handkerchief out of my back pocket. In doing so my wallet fell out of my pocket and into the water. As it started to sink a carp swam up and grabbed a corner of it. A second later another carp grabbed another corner. Soon they were joined by two more carp on the other corners. My son was fascinated. That was the first time he had seen carp to carp walleting. Submitted by Fred, Michelle & Linda McCulloch How can you tell when a fishermen is lying? Watch his mouth real close if it moves his lying. Submitted by Mando & Daneice When I was much younger, I remember landing a really nice Red Drum. When I was getting off the boat a man asked me where did you catch that fish ? I replied and gestured from right here in the mouth. Submitted by reader Mike Moat Why did the shark cross the road? To get to the other side Why did the bass cross the road? because it was the sharks day off What is half fish and half zebra? A striped bass What is part captain hook and part fish? A codfish If you put together a baby seal and a red headed girl what do you get? The little mermaid Submitted by Suanne and David Bob and Jimbo were out on the lake one morning. They were having a great day, pulling in fish after fish, until the boat was full. When it was time to leave, Jimbo says, "Boy, the fishing here was great! Hope we can remember how to get back to this spot next time". "Well", says Bob, "let me fix that!". He pulls out a piece of chalk, and puts a big "X" on the side of the boat. "Now, we'll know where this place is next time". After rowing halfway back to shore, Jimbo suddenly says, "Wait a minute, Bob! What if we don't get the same boat???!!!". Submitted by Dave Harden This is kind of a visual joke so try and imagine a little bit Did you hear about the one armed fisherman? He caught one this big! (holding one arm out) Same joke submitted by Glenn and Brian Bahr What does a fish say when it runs into a brick wall? Dam! Submitted by Jim Thompson Sid and I went fishing one day when Sid tied into a really big bass. After about a half hour battle, Sid was not gaining any line. He looked at me and said "I think it is snagged." Being a diver I stripped to my shorts and dove over the side of the boat to try and free the fish. As I came up after my dive I said "That fish is caught in the steering wheel of a 1934 Plymouth that is at the bottom of the lake." Sid asked if I could get it out so I went down again. I came back up for air and said "You might as well break the line, we will never get that fish." Sid asked "Why not?" I replied "Every time I reach in the window to untangle that fish it goes and rolls the window up. Submitted by David Kairis We do not worry about eating fish from polluted waters. We go fishing on a cold day, take the fish home and hang them by the head from a clothesline, let the mercury drop to the tail, cut off the tail, and eat the rest of the fish. Submitted by Marilyn Mighton Ontario Canada Bill, Fred, and John were out fishing. Suddenly Bill cought a huge fish that pulled him off the boat and into the water. Fred dived off the boat and came up a few minutes later with Bill. John did mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and commented, "I don't remember Bill having such bad breath!" Fred looked at Bill and said, "I don't remember Bill wearing a snowmobile suit, either!" Submitted by J. Dillon Where do you find most of the fish ? Between the head & the tail Submitted by Edward Hanke What do you get when you cross a coho, walleye and a muskie? A Cowallske Submitted by Fred Forsythe, Coudersport, PA. USA Heard about the three blondes that went ice fishing and didn't catch anything? By the time they cut a hole big enough for the boat to fit in it was time to go home. Submitted by Lee Tinner Near a highway bridge several boats were scattered about in the lake as there was the Annual Bass Catchers Classic fishing tournament in progress, when a funeral procession came by on the bridge. Everybody just kept on fishing except for one fisherman, who put his fishing pole down, stood up, removed his hat and remained in that fashion until the funeral procession was passed. A nearby fisherman happened to see this and was impressed at how respectful the man had been, so he cranked up his boat and pulled up beside the other mans boat. "Howdy, I saw how considerate you were toward that funeral procession, pausing and standing like that. I wish I had been as thoughtful" The other man replied, "I reckon it's the least I could do. After all, we'd been married for nearly 30 years." Submitted by Joe Sodl One day a fish warden is watching three blondes fishing in a local river. He notices that none of them have a fishing license. he asked the l Submitted by Paul M, Munden, MD The game warden couldn't figure out why Jack (a man of many fish but few words) always came home with a creel full of fish. The warden suspected foul play so he invited himself on a fishing trip with Jack. They boarded a small rowboat and worked their way out to the center of the lake in question. Jack reaches into his knapsack, pulls out a stick of dynamite and lights the fuse. "Now wait a minute here Jack," the game warden says, "this type of business is strictly illegal!" Jack hands him the dynamite and says, "You gonna fish or you gonna talk."
Here's a couple of exciting new links thanks to Jamie. Let's go fishin'!! These take a while so be patient while they load, ok? Joe Cartoon 1 Joe Cartoon 2
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_89720.html?nav_src=newsIndexHeadline
An excerpt from a conversation on Red Rhino's first ice fishing excursion with Mariner40 (thanks again 666): It's a cold winter day on Manitoulin and Mariner40 walks out onto a frozen lake, cuts a hole in the ice, drops in his fishing line and waits patiently for a bite. He's there for over an hour, without even a nibble. Red Rhino walks out on to the ice and cuts a hole next to him. The Rhino drops in his line and minutes later hooks a very large pickerel. Very quickly he pulls in an other large catch. After watching the process repeat itself a few more times, Mariner40 can't take it any longer. "Son, you've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half-dozen fish! How do you do it?" The novice responds," Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm." "What was that ?" the veteran asks. "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm," says the boy. "Look," says the old man," I can't understand a word your saying." Annoyed, the boy spits a pile of squirming worms into his hand and says, "Tete, you have to keep the worms warm!"
Yeah! A fishing joke (thanks to 666): A young guy from Oakville moves to California and goes to one of those big department stores that sell absolutely everything, to look for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Oakville." Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?" Kid says, "One." The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?" Kid says, "$101,237.64." Boss says, "$101,237.64? What the hell did you sell?" Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with the fish hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that 18 foot Princecraft with the Merc. Then he said he didn't think his mauve minivan would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that green Suburban." The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a Fish hook and you sold him a Boat and Truck?" Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.'"
Subject: CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE BEER DRINKER Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." - Jack Handy I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning,that's as good as they're going to feel all day. - Frank Sinatra An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. - Ernest Hemingway A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. - W.C. Fields When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. - Henny Youngman 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? - Stephen Wright Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. - Dave Barry Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1862! Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser. To some its a six-pack, to me it's a support Group
Click on this radio to listen to your favorite music while you surf this site. Try it.		Will they get $150 per tire?
Another Fish Story (Courtesy of JFergy666) A fisherman returned to shore with a giant marlin that was bigger and heavier than he. On the way to the cleaning shed, he ran into a second fisherman who had a stringer with a dozen baby minnows. The second fisherman looked at the marlin, turned to the first fisherman and said, " Only caught one, eh?"		A Fishing Joke A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know what type to get so she just grabs one and takes it to a register manned by a Wal-Mart "associate" wearing dark shades. The woman says, "Excuse me, sir, can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am, I'm blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes." She doesn't believe him, but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, "That's a 6' Red Rhino rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line. It's a good all-around rod and reel and it costs $20.00". She says, "That's amazing! You can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for -- so I'll take it." As the blind man begins to ring up the sale, the woman loudly passes gas. At first, she's embarrassed, but realizes there's no way he could tell it was her because he's blind and wouldn't know she was the only person around. He rings up the sale, and says, "That will be $25.50." She replies, "I thought you said it was only $20.00?" He says, "Yes ma'am, $20.00 for the rod and reel, but the duck call is $3.00, and the stink bait is $2.50."

Send us an amusing link or another clean fishing joke and it will get posted here.